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Social Circles – Confidence


Confidence, or lack of confidence, pops up as one of the most common issues in my coaching business. People talk about confidence as if it is a thing – something that you either have or you don’t have. You then give yourself the label that you are or aren’t confident and that label, that thought, defines your actions. Once we have that label of not being confident it can become a downward spiral – “I couldn’t possibly do that, I’m not a confident person”. We also compare ourselves to others – looking at how other people behave in situations and whether they appear to be confident or not. We tend to assume that confidence is natural and don’t take into account any training in public speaking they’ve had or the work they’ve done to build their confidence.

For some people their lack of confidence shows up in certain situations – e.g. public speaking, presenting, going for a new job – for others it can be that their confidence has gradually been eroded away from setbacks. Either way, when we don’t feel confident we tend to hide away, not engaging with people, wearing clothes that allow us to blend into the background, talking more quietly. When we feel confident we speak up, stand up tall, put on the brighter coloured clothes, wear the brighter lipstick, our whole physiology changes – standing up tall, shoulders back, walking with purpose.

What does a confident You look like? Who are You when you are feeling confident?

We all have confidence within us somewhere. You have it in some areas of your life but night not realise it as you just go about your tasks without considering confidence, because it is just there, you don’t need to think about it. If i asked you “do you know how to make a cup of tea?” you would likely answer yes. If i asked you if your were confident about knowing how to make a cup of tea i’m sue you would still say yes (assuming you said yes to the first question!). So you can be confident! You know exactly what confidence looks like but confidence in making a cup of tea seems to pale into insignificance compared to confidence in apply for that job, standing up to speak in front of an audience or whatever it might be.

Here are 4 things you can do to boost your confidence in an instant:
• Change your physiology – stand up straight, shoulders back, adopt a power pose for 2 minutes. It’s hard to feel confident when you are hunched over but stand up tall and instantly you’ll feel more confident
• Add a bit of colour to your outfit – a bright scarf or tie, a pop of colour on your lips/nails (go get a manicure/pedicure!)
• Reciting affirmations
• Breathe – take some deep breaths to engage the parasympathetic nervous system

These are great for boosting confidence instantly, but what if you feel that you don’t even have enough confidence to boost? in these instances the brain has got a bit ionised in processing confidence. it’s like it has forgotten how to bring confidence into those situations. The great news is that because you know how to be confident in some areas of your life using certain coaching techniques that confidence can be uncovered and mapped across into other areas of your life giving you a greater feeling of confidence. Even if you don’t feel you have any confidence it can be uncovered – there was a time when you didn’t even know what it was to feel confident or unconfident!

What situation(s) do you want to feel more confident in? How would feeling more confident transform your life?


This article is dedicated to the memory of Fi Shepherd who passed in 2020.  Her warm, big smile sadly missed by all of us at Seasonal Yoga